BEHIND THE SYLLABUS AND THE SPOUSE: THE SILENT MENTAL STRAIN OF MARRIED ACADEMICS - Ms. NITHYA V / Assistant Professor / PG Department of Psychology / MKJC(A)

 BEHIND THE SYLLABUS AND THE SPOUSE: THE SILENT MENTAL STRAIN OF MARRIED ACADEMICS

Many married assistant professors quietly bear the unseen burden of their personal and professional obligations behind the lecture rooms and academic titles. Managing the competing demands of family life and professional advancement frequently results in certain psychological pressures that are not sufficiently discussed in both academic and private spheres.

1. Impostor Syndrome

Notwithstanding their credentials, a lot of assistant professors feel unwelcome or unworthy. Impostor Syndrome is a psychological pattern that causes worry, self-doubt, and dread of failure, even in those who are quite capable.

2. Emotional Disconnect and Relationship Strain

Personal relationships may suffer as a result of work-related stress. Communication breakdowns, emotional disengagement, and marital discontent can result from mental exhaustion and obsession with research deadlines, particularly when spouses feel ignored.

3. The Myth of Work-Life Balance

Blurring professional boundaries makes "work-life balance" a fantasy. After finishing their household chores, many assistant professors resume their academic work at night. Mental overload and cumulative exhaustion are the results of this unseen second shift.

4. Mental Load and Invisible Expectations

The "invisible load" of balancing relationship maintenance, children, home administration, and class preparation falls on many married assistant professors, particularly women. They frequently become exhausted, resentful, and emotionally unavailable as a result of this mental juggling.

5. The Quiet Erosion of Intimacy

In a marriage, emotional and physical closeness frequently diminishes when work consumes the mind and exhaustion consumes the body. Without deliberate effort, the collaboration could feel more like a shared schedule.

6. Coping Strategies:

Time Blocking – Protect Your Time, Protect Your Mind

Try not to let work and family time overlap by setting up certain times for each. For instance, designate Sunday mornings as work-free or nights after 7 PM as family time only.

Share the Load – Teamwork at Home is Key

Discuss fairly allocating household chores with your spouse or family members. When it comes to errands, parental responsibilities, or meal preparation, shared responsibility makes a significant impact. Emotional weariness results from unequal household labor, particularly for women. Stress at home is decreased and emotional ties are strengthened through equitable sharing. This improves decision fatigue, fosters mental clarity, and prevents burnout brought on by continuous multitasking. It teaches you to change gears and give your brain a real break.

Seek Support – You’re Not Alone

Make connections with other assistant professors, participate in peer groups for faculty, or think about seeking professional counseling. Talking about your difficulties normalizes them and reduces feelings of loneliness. Anxiety and burnout can be prevented by social assistance. You can feel and think better when you vent, share, and listen in safe places.

Be Kind to Yourself – You’re Not a Machine

Hold on. Take a breath. Don't expect to be flawless in every role. Throughout the day, take 5-minute mental breaks, journal, or practice mindfulness. Self-compassion is a powerful tool. Self-kindness increases emotional resilience and decreases self-criticism. Being mindful keeps you grounded and in the moment.

Push for Policy Change – Because Systems Need Healing Too

Encourage faculty wellness initiatives, flexible scheduling, mental health leaves, and fewer teaching responsibilities for new parents. Institutions ought to be concerned with your welfare, not just your productivity. Changes in structure benefit everyone. Faculty-friendly policies promote long-term academic careers and alleviate systemic stress, particularly for professors who are married or provide care.

A Blog By

Ms. Nithya V

Assistant Professor 

PG Department of Psychology

Marudhar Kesari Jain College for Women (Autonomous)

Vaniyambadi